


passing stars & wishes

by eclairs



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: M/M, changsom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 17:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20294920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclairs/pseuds/eclairs
Summary: Changwook finds himself helplessly drawn into the orbit of Kim Dongyun, and he never wants to leave, but he finds that the circumstances they are in may not allow for it.





	passing stars & wishes

It begins when Changwook steps into the practice room in the Woollim building for the first time. His gaze lands on a boy that is watching him curiously, smiling tentatively as a welcome. He later finds out his name is Dongyun, Kim Dongyun.

“Hey, do you want to go to the convenience store with me?” Dongyun asks that night, right after they wrap up their practice. Changwook hesitates for a moment, unable to understand why him, of all people, was being asked. He nods anyway, because the way he couldn’t keep his eyes off the smaller boy all day. The walk to the convenience store is cold, and Changwook has his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. The streets are quiet, with only a few people walking around, dipping into the stores and out again.

The silence is an awkward one, and Changwook steals glances at the boy beside him, and the way his breath creates little clouds that dissipate over time. He’s beautiful, shockingly so, and the flutter of his eyelashes as he looks up at Changwook is reminiscent of the prettiest and most fragile of butterflies.

When they reach the convenience store, Changwook picks out his usual orange jelly, and Dongyun reaches for a tub of yogurt. Changwook insists on paying for everything, and Dongyun thanks him shyly, offering him a spoonful of yogurt as they walk back to their dorms with their hands brushing ever so slightly.

Changwook knows then - maybe he’s falling for the cutest boy he’s ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes upon.

* * *

The company makes it abundantly clear that no dating is allowed within the company, and Changwook understands why, but he can’t help but feel drawn to Dongyun, like a helpless magnet. 

They start spending a lot of time together, getting to know each other better during their breaks from practice and at night, while in the dorms. Changwook feels himself being sucked into Dongyun’s gravitational pull, orbiting around him, looking for him first and caring the most about him.

Changwook begins falling for all the little things. Dongyun’s smile, his voice, his eyes and the little mole on the side of his nose. He wishes he could stop, put the crush behind him, but it only gets worse when he realises that Dongyun may feel the same way. He realises it when Dongyun begins to buy him his favourite snacks from the convenience store, when Dongyun begins to wait for him after practice, and when Dongyun lets him use the dorm’s showers first.

Changwook knows he is sure of only a few things in life. His name, his birthplace, that him and Dongyun will debut together, and that he is irrevocably enamoured with Kim Dongyun.

* * *

Produce X 101 threw a wrench in what he was sure of. What was once an assured truth began to become shrouded in uncertainty. They may not debut together, and Changwook wasn’t sure what was worse - debuting without Dongyun or with him, without the possibility of ever letting himself fall fully, completely for Dongyun.

It is a cold, unrelenting winter when the 6 of them arrive at the filming site, noses red and their hands numb around the handles of their luggages. Changwook fears what is coming next, and he wishes desperately for everything to work out well for all 6 of them.

They watch as people begin to stream into the filming area, and Dongyun is visibly dejected as more and more people step in. “They’re all so tall, it must be nice,” Dongyun mumbles, staring at the group of trainees that had just entered the room. Changwook reassures him, pulling him closer and coaxing him into being less insecure. Dongyun doesn’t say much, but when he affectionately gives Changwook’s hand a squeeze, Changwook knows he’s done a good job of cheering him up. 

Changwook knows that the worst storms of all would be nothing but a slight breeze if he had Dongyun by his side, and he makes himself a promise - to do what he can to stay with Dongyun, even if for just a fleeting period of their lives on the show. It’s the least he can do to take care of Dongyun, while the program exerts its worst on them.

* * *

Filming Produce X 101 wasn’t easy for either of them. Beyond the demands of the show itself, it was hard for them to spend time together without the cameras around.

On a balmy night in Paju, when the rest of the trainees were resting, Dongyun wakes Changwook up, with a gleam in his eyes that could mean only one thing.

_ An adventure. _

Dongyun guides Changwook to the roof of the dorms, and they sit down beside each other on the ground. The moon is pale, light filtering through the dense clouds, with the glow from the streetlights below casting Dongyun’s face in a warmth that Changwook is glad that only he gets to see. The openness, the warmth, the way his slow breaths hitch when Changwook slides an arm around his waist.

Dongyun’s head finds its way onto Changwook’s shoulder, as it always does. They need this, they need to feel grounded in the middle of the rush and the competition. It’s silent, and all that needs to be said is conveyed in the way Changwook holds him that night.

Changwook is tired, willing his eyes to stay open as he rests his head against Dongyun’s. He’s about to fall asleep in perfect comfort when Dongyun breaks the silence. 

“Changwook, do you like me?” Dongyun asks, plain and simple.

“Yes,” Changwook says. 

Dongyun hums in appreciation, snuggling closer to him, even though it’s hot outside and he feels as though he’s about to start sweating.

Changwook feels vulnerable, letting Dongyun into his heart like that, but he knows the high is worth the eventual crash. With Dongyun, it always is.

* * *

During the elimination that determined the top 20, Changwook and Dongyun sat together, watching with bated breath as they watched Yunseong, then Junho take their seats in front of them.

Dongyun reaches for Changwook’s hand, a familiar motion that still means the world to him. His hands are soft, lanky and a perfect fit for Changwook’s squishier hands. It is in moments like these where Changwook thanks every higher being there is for Dongyun’s existence.

When the candidates for 20th place step onto the podium, Dongyun looks over at him and asks why they didn’t have the privilege of doing that. It’s sweet, it’s ever so slightly bitter and it is his darling Dongyun, brimming with personality and little quips. Changwook looks over, and responds as best as he can to keep the conversation going. 

Changwook realises then that Dongyun is looking at him with such pure love and adoration, as if Changwook hung the stars for him. He knows that he looks at Dongyun in the exact same way, and it makes his heart clench up, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar feeling.

He knows they are in love, and Dongyun is well aware too. They have never defined what they are, but it is in stolen moments, longing gazes, and gentle caresses. Changwook fears the moment where they define their relationship, because it will make the end so much more painful. To lose something cherished.

* * *

After practice one night, Changwook waits in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for Dongyun to get out of the shower. The rest of the boys are in Yunseong’s room, playing music and talking. He doesn’t know when he became such a recluse, choosing Dongyun over the rest time and again.

The familiar scent of Dongyun’s shampoo wafts out from the bathroom as Dongyun steps out, with a towel draped around his neck. Small droplets of water begin to pool along the sides of his neck as the water drips from his hair.

He’s gorgeous, and everything that Changwook could ever wish for. Changwook regularly wishes on every passing star for Dongyun to remain in his life, to remain as his first love, his  _ only _ love.

He watches as Dongyun carefully pads over to his room, shutting the door behind him and tossing himself onto Changwook’s bed. He reaches for Changwook’s hand, clutching it and staring at the ceiling with a content smile on his face.

Changwook loves it when Dongyun does this. Dongyun treats him with the familiarity of home, seeks him out when he needs comfort, and loves him so simply, so plainly when the reality is complicated for both of them.

They stay in their positions for a while, with the steady rise and fall of Dongyun’s chest and their entangled hands creating a sense of tranquility and peace in the hectic bustle of preparing for their debut.

Changwook wishes for the world to stop in this moment, for him to live in it, to drink in the feeling of being so utterly smitten with Dongyun, and knowing that his affections are returned. 

Dongyun looks over at Changwook, catches him staring, and smiles with a tenderness that makes Changwook’s breath hitch in his throat.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to debut?” Dongyun asks, shifting so that his head is on Changwook’s lap. His wet hair fans out, creating small, damp patches on Changwook’s pants. The taller boy lets his fingers memorise the feeling of Dongyun’s cheeks, idly gliding across the soft skin. He lets his eyes drink him in, innocent, wide-eyed and eager for their future.

“Sometimes. It’s coming soon, isn’t it?” Changwook says, unable to hide the quiver in his voice. The fork in the road is quickly approaching, and he knows they have to make a choice between their futures and each other. Having both was simply not an option. 

Changwook doesn’t want to wonder. He knows that the inevitable will come, and that it will break his heart. The idea of a debut, once so revered, marked the beginning of the end. 

They know they can’t, they shouldn’t. It would never work out, to be in love with your own group member. The company would never allow it, and Changwook knew, even though he hated to admit it, that their futures were more important than this. Even if it meant that he may never feel the same rush of adoration for anyone else.

* * *

It ends soon after, on the night before W Project 4 was meant to be released. 

Changwook can’t look at Dongyun without feeling the high he felt on that night on the rooftop, and the sting behind his eyes from sleepless nights spent practicing for what he thought was the ultimate goal.

In the last moments, Changwook wishes for his memories to be wiped away, to remove the feeling of Dongyun’s hands beneath his fingertips, to forget the way Dongyun looked at him. He wants to forget how it feels to love Dongyun so intensely that Dongyun’s future mattered more than anything, that his dreams were more important than their relationship.

It ends in bloodshot eyes, intertwined hands, empty promises of “maybe sometime in the future,” even though both of them know that they never will, and they never should.

It ends because Dongyun and Changwook fell in love, because it spiraled them hopelessly out of control, and because that was never part of the plan.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i hope you enjoyed my haphazard interpretation of some changsom moments. if you liked it, i'd really appreciate it if you left a comment or a kudos!! thanks for reading this drought-fueled piece.


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